Yes, what have I morphed into? This question is constantly on my mind these days or rather after the birth of Maxus. How does my daughter see me now? Have I become a scary, horrible, tongue lashing, violent grabbing monster? Upon reflection, I shudder at my own actions. What have I become? Why do I get so easily irritated n angry with my daughter? Or is this just an excuse to vent my frustrations out on her? I really don't know, but what I do know is that I've to try n curb whatever anger in me, lest I turn into an abusive mom. It makes me sad that I'm treating my First Born this way. I look at Meia's baby pictures and feel so sorry n bad for her. What have I done besides grabbing her face tightly from my last post? Well, I'm not proud to write this, but this is where I can truly vent my frustrations, my rants, my joys, my sorrows, all the pressures etc. And I'm not trying to get any sympanthy votes either.
Well the sinner slapped her daughter rather hard on her face this afternoon for shouting n screaming while I was preparing her lunch. She was terrified (infact she has been scared of me these days), tears started streaming down her face, and I immediately stopped my ruthless act. You can say that I've just unleashed the monster in me. The patient loving mom is no longer around, but my daughter still loves me the same. This makes me even more guilty, so guilty.
My poor daughter has become the receiving end of all my pent up frustrations.... I don't even know how to end this post....