Gosh was that really me?

Anger and Frustration got the better of me yesterday and as I reflected on the day's activities before going to bed, I was suddenly shocked by my own 'violence'.... n I suddenly felt very bad n sorry towards my daughter. This was what happened.

I was having my dinner and Meia was in the living room playing with my maid. All was well till she came into the kitchen (she's always fond of making life difficult for me especially during meal times) and suddenly decided to throw a tantrum... I for one, since young, am not one to tolerate anyone disturbing me when I'm having my meals for no valid reason (that goes to my ex boss too). She started demanding the maid to open the fridge (opening the fridge for no reason is a no no for me), when I said No, she started to bawl, scream n kick. Next she wanted to pick up a biscuit that dropped on the floor, this is another No No for me cos I'm very particular about Meia's hygiene (especially after the cold sore episode), cry... n scream. I couldn't take it anymore, I went up to Meia, grab her head with my hands, fingers pinching the sides of her cheek n dealt a slap on her face (fortunately, I controlled my strength), told her sternly, but loudly to keep quiet.... she immediately stopped... guess I must have looked very fierce, even my maid was slightly tearing n afraid to look my way...

Was I too hard on my daughter? Afterall she's only 2 years old. Yes, disiciplining them is one matter, but I guess I need to pray for patience n self control each day. Looking back, I don't want the same thing to happen again and I hope I can deal better if something similar happens.

I'm so sorry Meia.

Thanks Gene!

Hey Gene if you're reading this, I just wanna thank you again for popping by last night as well as the very wonderful gift for the M family. So thoughtful of you! Really appreciate the gift, especially the one you got for me.

It really wonderful to see good friends at this point of time...

What a dream...

Well this is rather silly... okie, for those who know me, I'm well known for my rather silly nightmares or dreams... actually I haven't had a silly dream for ages, n this particular one hit me two nights ago... Ready?

I guess all the breastfeedings are starting to be part of my life... yet again... :) That night I dreamt that I pumped till my nipples started to bleed... horrifying, but fortunately I woke up shortly. Whew!!!!!

On the Road to Recovery

Little Maxus had his check up yesterday at KKH, and I'm glad to say that he's recovering well. It would take some time for such a huge ulcer to heal and we just gotta be patient. Tests results also showed that there were no bacterial infection, except that he has a very high palette count (I asked the doctor what's the reason, but he wasn't able to reply me, saying that its not a cause for concern)... hmmmm.... anwyay, we are still monitoring little Maxus. Glad to see that he's eating n passing motion well.

Just wanna thank each n everyone of u for your concern, prayers n words of encouragement. Kids are doing fine at the moment, I just have to get over some hurdles myself. But rest assured, I'll be fine :)

Worst Confinement Period

I must be going through the worst confinement period ever. First my boy's not feeling well, second, my old knee injury has come knocking on the door again, third, Meia's so clingy I can't get a breather, fourth, new maid's getting slightly on my nerves, fifth, my bm supply is at an all time low, sixth, I may have some yeast infection, seventh, I've to temp stop giving my boy my bm cos I suspect I may have an infection, and I don't want that to affect his ulcer (or that until we confirm with the test results today).

I'm reallly concerned n frustrated. Sometimes I get so irritated with Meia, I become so mad n I raise my voice, I don't want to, and I don't enjoy it, but I can't help it. I feel so sorry for both my kids. Whenever I hear my boy cry, I wish I was the one suffering, whenever I'm mean to Meia I wish she had a better more self controlled Mom. I love her too and don't want her to feel that having a brother doesn't rob her of my love n attention. She's my first born and our feelings towards her will always be a special one.

As for my boy, we love him too, and hope that he recovers soon. Its really depressing to hear him cry.

WORRIED

I'm very worried about my son. Although he has been discharged, I found to my dismay just a few minutes ago that its spreading...

I really don't know what's the cause. Some blood work n swab of the affected area was taken on Wednesday before he was discharged, but we'll only know the results next Monday during the follow up check.

I'm really praying hard that it won't affect my son in anyway, in terms of speech development etc or that it may lead to something more serious...

Really at a loss right now.

U're 2 Years Old now Darling Meia

To my Dearest Daughter

Time files and at the blink of an eye, u're 2 years old already, no longer the little baby when I first held u in my arms when u were first born. Many things have happened during this period of time, we had our fair share of ups n downs. It seemed like yesterday that u made an appearance in our lives, u brought us much joy n laughter and also taught us what pure bliss is, well at least for me as I am home 24/7 with u, watching ur every step n growth. I'm just glad that u're my daughter, someone whom I can call my own, I'm just happy being your Mother or Mi Mi as u call me.

I remember ur first bout of illness slightly after your First Birthday. U were very sick for many days n I had to care for u. U lost so much weight then, and it really pained me when I bathed u during those 2 weeks. There were many ulcers in your mouth n your tongue. U were suffering from cold sores then and lost your appetite. A very worried me tried all sorts of ways to get u to take your milk as well as some solids. After trying many foods, u finally ate Fruit Loops n Pediasure Milk. It was painstaking having to spoon feed u the milk, but I was glad that u're eating n recovering. When u recovered, Mommy made sure everything u ate was healthy n I admit I went a little paranoid n made sure u ate ur Vit C n Multi vitamins. I don't want you to go through such a painful period again. Never ever.

Mommy would also like to take this chance to apologise to you for my behaviour. I am a very new parent and like u, I'm also learning. I guess giving birth to a baby is easy, but bringing up one is an uphill task and being a good parent, whose patient n who knows just the right thing to do isn't easy. I must admit I'm not exactly a very Fantastic Mother. I for one am very impatient, with a very bad temper and have been snapping at you lately. Just want you to know that Mommy n Daddy loves u very very much, the Love itself is boundless. Even with your little brother in our lives, you are still n forever will be our Darling Daughter. We know you are also adjusting to life with your little brother, and we are proud that you're taking it well so far, the number of gentle pats u've given him, the sweets u got from the market auntie, u wanted to share with him, taking your toys to your brother when he cries, n u telling me 'di di cry' n then holding my hand, leading me to his room. All these have clearly touched my heart n it shows how much u've grown.

Sorry if I lost my temper at you for very minor things at times. Please forgive me. I can never stay mad at u for long, my heart melts with every little thoughtful move of yours, your bright cheery smile, your wonderful hugs and kisses. When I punish you, and send you for time outs (or time out for myself), its for your own good. It pains me more than it hurts you when I lash out at you or beat u. Mommy will have to work on self-control. I know your love for Daddy n Mommy is pure n innocent, and we hope that we can provide you with everything in our reach, especially in terms of giving u a happy n loving environment to live in. Of course our wish for you is that u be a cheerful, healthy, good-hearted n smart person in future. But for now, we just want you to enjoy your childhood. I'm sorry if I haven't been spending as much time with you, and also hurting your feelings at times... There are countless of sorries I've to say to you.... I'm learning each day too.

Meia, you've brought so much joy into our lives, especially mine :) U'll always be our little darling angel!
We love you!

Happy Birthday Darling!

Love with lotsa hugs n kisses
Daddy n Mommy

My son has been discharged

I'm glad to announce that Ah boy has been discharged n is back in Home Sweet Home :) Yeah!!!! He was admitted to KKH yesterday because his ulcer went bigger, and a very concerned PD referred him to his friend at the hospital who suggested they run some tests to determine what caused the ulcer.

Some tissues of the ulcer n some blood work were taken this evening before we were allowed home. Results of the test we'll have to wait till the follow up check next Monday afternoon.

It was a tiring 2 day for me, especially yesterday. I broke down when I heard the word 'ADMIT'. BUT I should say today was a good day as I finally had some really fantastic quality time with my son (w/o any distractions). I enjoyed cuddling him on my chest and singing Amazing Grace to him. I felt the time stopped that moment n it was so magical. It was even better news when the doctor said we could go home. I miss my son, the house felt so empty without him last night.

He has been put on antibiotics for a week, I'm praying he gets better SOON! Welcome home Son, we LOVE U!

Boy is down with a very bad n big ulcer

Why am I blogging at 4.30am? The main reason that's keeping awake is my boy. Nope not from night feedings but I'm very worried about his condition. Why he has a size of a 5 cent coin ulcer at the back of his mouth is what is making us puzzled (even his pd). We didn't discover the ulcer till yesterday morning and I quickly brought him to see the PD. I was shocked when I saw the size of the ulcer. He has been crying alot these past 2 days, and we thought it was colic... till yesterday. My poor baby. Only 11 days old n he has to endure such pain. It reallys hurts n pains me. But what can I do? I can only continue to pray, nurse n give him his medication and hope that he gets well soon. *sob sob*

I can't imagine the pain he's going through, already a small ulcer on our gums or lips or tongue hurts, what more a 5 cent coin ulcer at the back of a 11 day old infant...

Dear gals, please help me pray for his recovery. We're doing our best to make him as comfy as possible.

Ah Boy is OUT!!!

Okie, seems that I'm wrong this time about Mex being overdue.... he decided to greet the world on 5 August 2007, Sunday morning. Apparently, both my kids love to 'torture' their mom, cos both decided that either the waterbag bursts or give a bloody show (Mex's turn) at MIDNIGHT... so no sleep for me this time too hahaha.... so here's my birth story.

It was Saturday morning n I was already feeling this great pressure on the front, but didn't pay much attention to it, n even went to the market alone to get some groceries. But I was feeling much more tired than usual. Came home, got changed n everything n went to fetch my new maid. This was a very fateful day, new maid, Michael lost his wallet, me having contractions... hahahaa. To cut the story short, it was quite a busy day.

After dinner, I started to have this passing motion feeling n some light pressure at the buttocks. Called my mom n told her I have this feeling I might deliver anytime from now. After I put Meia to bed, I kept having this tight pulling feeling in my tum, got up at 12.30am, went to relieve myself n to my surprise, found something dropping into the toilet bowl... I immediately wiped myself n found mucus n some blood. Called out to Michael (ya for meia I was in the toilet too when I called for hb) n told him its TIME!!! Called my mom n she immediately rushed over. I got my hospital bag from the cupboard, n as soon as my mom arrived, we left for KKH.

Was checked by the nurse. I was already 2-3cm dilated! No wonder... Gynae came around 2.30am n inserted prostin (pls check spelling haha). There were some contractions, but it wasn't very regular, so gynae said he would come back in the morning to take a look at me. I thought to myself that this time would be faster. At 4am, I felt more pain, so I called for the midwife to check on me, ONLY 3 cm STILL!!!!!!! AARGHHH!!!! GOSH!!!!!!!! nevermind, decided to rough it out n get some sleep. Finally at 8am gynae came n checked on me, alamak still 3cm dilated! This time he did something, n finally told me I'm 4cm dilated n that he'll put me on the DRIP!!!!!!! KENA INDUCED AGAIN!!!!!!! AAhhh nevermind, anything to get baby out FAST!!!! So was put on the drip again...

At 11am I felt tremendous PRESSURE!!! called for midwife, she checked n told me I'm 5cm. ok great n I yelled 'YEAH!!!' 11.30am, even MORE PRESSURE, called her in n found out I was fully dilated, midwife said I could push gently at the next contraction while she called for my gynae (luckily he had 3 other women to deliver next few rooms). Dr Tham came n checked n told me to PUSH! I told him yeah!!! Finally!!!

Although Mex was much bigger than Meia, I pushed him out in 4 pushes. RELIEVED at last!!!!!!! Mex came out, a big bouncy baby weighing at 3.466kg, and 50cm in length.

N the first thing I asked my hb....??? BOY right????

Mex at 38 weeks

This is a back dated post... yes I'm still around, haven't POPPED yet... guess my boy's too comfy in my tum tum... went for a check last Tues and he's already weighing 3.2kg!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, my gynae's very happy with his weight (as well as mine, as I had no weight gain at all) as he's afraid it might be too difficult for me to push.

I'm feeling very very HEAVY at the moment, never felt this way with Meia. Maybe there's more water this time round n the boy is heavier. I'm even having trouble walking as the pressure is too much, so I've been walking like a snail...

I'm hoping to unload soon, but I've this funny feeling I'm gonna be OVERDUE... BUT, I don' wanna go thru another INDUCTION, cos it HURTS! So hopefully Mex will be a good boy.

Oh he might not be named Mex afterall hahahaaa.... will update his name soon...